THIS is a blog moment in time...

Every now and then, I find either myself or a member of my close family in a situation that I refer to as a "blog moment". Today, I was the one centered in one.

Before I get ahead of myself, I need to go wwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy back to when I first got out of my big fluffy warm snuggly bed. You get the point, I am quite sure. After I had distributed my weight evenly on both feet, both of my eyes were half-way open and the smell of Stan's coffee had entered into my sinuses, I determined that I needed to "pick out" my outfit for the day.

For most women, that can be a very time-consuming activity. For me on most days, that decision is made quickly. Since I do not have a regular morning job, there is usually no need for me to dress appropriately to meet the public. Most mornings are spent right here at home where I engage in such things as making beds, sweeping floors, washing laundry... . For those occassions, I see absolutely NO reason for dressing nicely, putting on make-up, etc. I used to bounce out of bed. Now, I find that that is a thing of the past for me. I don't exactly drag myself out of bed. I am sure that that will be the case sooner than later. What I do is somewhere in between those. After that, I take time out of my busy routine to brush my teeth, run a brush through my hair, put some deodorant on and either throw some old dress on that is covered with splashes of this paint color and splashes of that paint color or I pull on a pair of shorts that have also been "well-decorated" with house paint and pull on an old shirt with stains of some kind or another. I don't even bother to make sure that the original colors of the shirt and shorts look good together. I mean, why should I???

So today, I decided on the old dress. I needed some laundry and cleaning supplies so I decided to make a trip to $ General shortly after the girls went to school. For most self-respecting women, there would be NO way that they would go to the alley in garb like that but I evidentally have no self respect left anywhere in my body nowadays. (Believe me, I have done VERY little in my life of almost 49 years that would prompt self respect!) (I just heard a sigh from Lori as she is reading this. Don't worry, Lori! I am not depressed... just facing facts. LOL!!!)

So, I go to $ General, walk through the front doors where I am greeted by a friendly store manager and a couple of customers waiting in line. Though it was still fairly early in the day, all of these people already had smiles on their faces which I found to be quite delightful! I got a shopping cart, pulled out my grocery list and went to shopping. Along the way, I enjoyed visiting with just about every customer in the store at the time before I eventually made my trip to the check-out counter. The sweet clerk rang up all of my purchases on the cash register while other customers gathered into line behind me. Once she had finished checking, she told me how much I owed the store. THAT was when I realized that I had forgotten to transfer money onto my debit card! Oh, mercy, me... I was soooooooooooooooooo embarrassed. I apologized to the clerk and everyone else in line for this tragedy. Everyone was very kind about the whole situation. I immediately left the store to go home to my handy dandy computer so that I could put money onto my card, get back to the store, pay for everything and haul all of the groceries out to the Blau Mobile. Yeppers, Folks! My day was off to a not-so-wonderful start....... It was just getting started though!

After I had transferred the bags from my cart into the mobile, I returned it to the interior of the store. That was when, even though I was dressed like a pauper, a dear sweet lady whom I had not seen in several months, gave me a great big hug! I appreciated and NEEDED that so much! She left the store and then I discovered a lady pushing her cart with a cute little girl standing up in it towards me. I had no idea who these people were but that didn't stop me from touching the little girl on the head and telling her mother how cute she was. Not such a wonderful thing to do. This poor young mother had no idea who or what I was. She pulled her daughter closer to her body. For the first time in my life, I felt like some kind of a criminal. Not a feeling that I savored.

THEN, I decided to go visit Lori and Lars for a few minutes before I went home to bury myself in work. We visited for a few minutes and just at about the time that I needed to be leaving, Lori was hit by the WORST nose bleed that I have ever seen in my life!!! Blood just POURED out of her nose! Lori, as you'll remember, just went on blood thinners less than a month ago. I assumed that this was the cause of her latest calamity. I've been on blood thinners for 8 years and had never seen bleeding like this. I knew that I had to get her to the emergency room RIGHT AWAY. Then, I looked down at the fashionable clothing that I was sporting. I told Lori that I was going to run home and put some decent clothes on. Instead, she instructed me to wear one of her dresses so that we could get to wherever we needed to go quicker. When you look like I do, it is easy to change clothes. I don't have to find a full-length mirror to take good long looks at to see if my outfit needs to be adjusted here or there or... I just threw my dress across their bed, grabbed another dress, threw it over my head and I was ready to go!!! But, when I took a step out of the bedroom, I noticed that Lori's dress was puddling all over the floor. I couldn't even see my shoes (not that I see them much unless my bottom is on a chair and my feet are up on the ottaman!) I gathered the excess fabric with my hands and walked towards Lori. I remember distinctly asking her "Is this the way that this dress is SUPPOSED to look?" Her reply was "Yes, yes it is." Okay. That was good enough for me. The only fashion trends that I am up-to-date on are "what is new in the Victorian home designs." And, come to think about it, those are anything BUT new. That is the beauty of the style!

To shorten this story, I will tell you that Lori was able to get her nosebleed to stop. She, Lars and I were hungry by then so we decided to order lunch from the ever-popular Dairy King. I made a list of what everyone wanted and I got it ordered from the sanctity of Leif and Lori's living room. About 15 minutes later, I loaded myself up into the Blau Mobile and headed to the D.K. Oh, mercy. My heart sank when I looked at the parking lot there and discovered that not only had everyone and their dog showed up to eat Myron's BBQ today, but they brought the other 3 or 4 dogs with them also.

I was able to park the van and waited INSIDE the van until the D.K. employees pointed to me which would mean that my order was ready for pick-up. Once I received that signal, I ATTEMPTED to exit the Blau Mobile but tripped on my (Lori's) dress first. Oh, yeah, everyone, I all but fell on my ample rear end right there in front of the 5 or 600 people there during the lunch hour. I straightened myself and pretended that what had just happened was really just a figment in my own imagination that no one else could see. All the while, I knew better though. It seemed as if everyone's eyes were glued on my volumptuous body dragging my MUCH taller sister's long dress behind me--tripping me all of the way. (Kinda reminded me of Daddy walking me down the aisle just 29 years ago...) Everyone in the church that day was laughing too! LOL!!! I finally fastened my eyes on the sidewalk in hopes that if I could not see anyone there, they wouldn't be able to see me either. Hmmm. I don't think that it worked out that way though.

The clerk told me how much our order cost. When I lifted my hand and arm to hand her my debit card, I felt a slight breeze just on that side of my body. Wonder what caused that??? Don't worry! You're about to find out.

I gathered the food and the drinks and did my best to walk somewhat normal to the van. I drove several blocks across town and parked in Leif and Lori's driveway. I honked the horn so that Lars would know that I needed help getting everything into the house. Between Lars and I, all food was indoors within a minute or two. The three of us ate our lunch and enjoyed conversation. Soon after we finished eating, Mama dropped by to check on everyone. All went very well UNTIL I stood up to go change dresses. THAT is when Mama asked me what in the world I was wearing and had I worn it anywhere IN PUBLIC??? ON, NO!!! That is when my heart sank somewhere between my two feet...

Why??? What in the world was wrong with my attire??? I explained to her that Lori told me that the dress was supposed to fit like that. Lori humbly agreed UNTIL I changed positions on the floor and lifted my arm ever so gently. I feared that Lori was going to choke when she gasped. OH, MY GOD!!! Lori had forgotten and I being the intelligent giant that I am had never bothered to notice that there were TWO VERY LONG HOLES that extended from my arrmpits to just above my thigh!!!!!! They allowed sunshine and everything else into my FAT body that thought that it was hiding behind elegant silky fabric. Mercy, me!!! Every last pocket of fat and individual piece of cellulite was visible to anyone and EVERYONE whether they wanted to see it or not!!! (Chances are that they did not want to see it.) I probably caused people at the Dairy King to lose their appetities BEFORE they ever took one bite out of their jiffy burgers!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry about that, everyone!!!

Anyway, life is good--no, it is GREAT!!! Afterall, I agree with this saying: "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused."

Now, you know why I am always smiling or laughing. I have done or said something else that has just amused me...and probably plenty of others also...

VLE-B