I've never made my mental illness, Bi-Polar Disorder formerly known as Manic Depression, a secret from anyone. B-PD is just as much of an unpreventable and UNSHAMEFUL disease as cancer, heart disease, etc. No, I am not ashamed of it. It is part of my life and always will be. I take medications to help "even myself out" and I also have to curb "my behavior" at times. This is one of those times now.
Christmas is ALWAYS a major time for depression to crop up for MANY people not just those who have been diagnosed with a mental disturbance. Little by little, I have felt the symptoms creeping up on me. I've done all that I could do to try to keep these buggers at bay. One problem that I will share is that over the past few months, I had noticed that a considerable amount of people were reading my blog. I have a counter that tells me how many people have gone to my blog during a certain time period. Oh, how I loved seeing the counter go higher and higher... Now, that counter is hardly moving at all. Of course, that means that very few people are interested in anything that I have to write. That has come as a HUGE blow to me! I really felt as if I "connected" with alot of people out there. I TRULY believed that what I was writing actually impacted others in a positive way.
Now, that fewer people seem to care about my writings, I feel dejected and less appreciated. Who wants those feelings??? Not me! Plain and simple, I cannot handle the sadness that goes with all of that. So...as of tonight, December 31st, 2009, I am officially CLOSED as far as my blog is concerned.
I am planning on taking some college courses in writing. I still need to have some outlets for what I feel inside and believe in.
During my "tenure" with my blog, I have inadvertenly angered some people who did not care for what I wrote or for my subject matter. I swear to you all that I NEVER meant to hurt anyone!!! I have been criticized over and over by people whom I love with all of my heart. The time has come that I break out of this so that no one feels any pain from my writings.
I MUST mention that all of you who left statements about my blog on my blog or email, called me, stopped me downtown, etc., REALLY MADE ME HAPPY!!! For awhile, I honestly felt that I was providing a worthwhile service to my family, neighbors, people who used to live here, people whom I have never met... But then, when your toes actually touch the ground below you, feelings of emptiness take over.
I wish each and every one of you a blessed and marvelous 2010!!!
May God Bless you.
Please remember to do all of those little things to make someone else's life not only bearable but happy.
I'm signing out for the last time...